It is ok to not have your shit together

It is yet another weekend during the quarantine. Friday evening, my plan for the weekend  was to do some work, meal prep and take care of weekly cleaning duties (which was ambitious in itself, but then I also had a stretch goal of setting up some kitchen appliances and reading a book). Saturday came in and I had a headache since morning - fixed a simple meal for lunch and mostly slept through the day. Around 9 o clock in the night - I started feeling super guilty and began my weekly cleaning duties and a little bit of meal prepping till mid night. Through the midst of it all, I realized that I was cleaning at 12 o clock in the night for no reason other than to prove to myself that I didn’t entirely waste a day!

But, why though? 

It is not like I have never wasted a day in life - I do end up slacking on many of my regular weekends and I am OK with it because I justify to myself with reasons like I went skiing / hiking the previous day so I am tired, we had a board game night and I slept super late, I hosted a weekend dinner and have been cooking too much, we traveled the previous weekend. etc. When in fact I do all of the above as well as slack to give myself a break from the work week. But now that I am always at home, somehow it has become totally unacceptable to give myself this break and simply rest.

While I would have gladly skipped laundry for a week or more (and trick the husband into doing it later) during regular weeks, right now skipping laundry for a week makes me feel like I haven’t accomplished anything that week! Leaving out lunch dishes in the coffee table while juggling between meetings, not unloading the dishwasher in the morning because I woke up late are all little failures that are affecting me more than what it used to before. 

All this is just a self induced feeling and I do realize that I am creating undue stress for myself because of a need to be on top of everything around the house. I was talking to a few friends about this - and they were right in calling out that I am beating myself up over unnecessary things and cramming out too many to-dos  in my check list that I don’t feel accomplished with anything.

From all the discussions - I realized two things
1) Others, especially Women, also feel the same pressure in varying degrees.
2) People overcoming similar feelings have a set of rules that work for them and follow it for their own peace of mind.

So from all the discussions, I made my 10 commandments of quarantined life. (And maybe regular life too)
Some serious gyaan below, folks.

1. Being at home != Being Idle : Your work hours still remain the same or more. You need to realize that being at home all the time is not the same as being idle all the time. This is also true for people not working. 

2. Keep your checklist minimal : It is not necessary to clean that closet you don’t even use just because you are on quarantine. 

3. Cut yourself some slack - Being behind on laundry or any other thing for that matter is acceptable. There is no one giving you grades - and even if they do you don’t need to be a topper. (And while that is counterintuitive to my Indian upbringing, I am going to try to live with it) 

4. Do not expect to get more things done than your regular days - This might be surprising, but you still have the same 24 hours during quarantine. You won’t have all the time in the world to do everything. Just do what you usually do and that is more than enough. 

5. Prioritize things - Eating healthy is a priority, but cooking an elaborate meal every single day is not. You don't need to feel guilty about spending just 10 minutes for dinner and eating meals that you / your family is not a fan of because it is easy to make.
[Side note - one of my friend suggested to focus on three most important things outside of work at any point in life which i felt was really interesting - if your priorities right now are to bring meals to the table, exercise and read, be unapologetic about the fact that your house is not organized]

6. Do not compare yourself with others - Your Work, Health, Emotional State, Priorities are unique to you, so you can’t really do everything your parents did or that Instagram influencer is doing. You can only live life your way and there is no reason to beat yourself over it. 

7. Don’t listen to people that expect you to do things because you are at home - Be it parents, in- laws, partner, friends, social media posts - if a sentence starts with “you are at home, you should..” run away.
8. Don't expect people to do things because they are at home - Now, I am not saying that chores doesn't have to shared. They should be! (And even on days they are not at home)  But undue pressure on your partner because of the quarantine to do everything as per your schedule is unwarranted and would add stress to both of you.
9. Do not tag yourself - You are not lazy, unaccomplished, bad mother / wife / person because you skipped your chores. You are also not a super woman and don't need to live up to that name. You are just you and that is enough. 

10. Accept that not everything will happen according to your plans - Expecting to see your wedding video before the quarantine is over is like opening America for Easter with Churches filled. Sounds wonderful, but just not not going to happen. Accept it. 

So, for people going through similar stress trying to adult and do it well - I just thought I would shout out and say that "I am quarantined. I don’t have all the time in the world. I only sort of have my shit together. And that is enough."