Getting over the menstrual taboo!
It was a Friday morning - I hadn't slept through the night because I was having these horrible cramps with backache and nausea and I did not have enough strength to get up from bed to go to office. I had taken a sick day off - and whenever someone asked why I was on leave, I replied that I was sick and I had a back ache, until it hit me - why I was doing this, why couldn't I just say I was having period cramps. And then I reasoned to myself that I wanted to maintain a "decent" conversation and not let things go awkward.
Two things were really disturbing about my thought process - That I consider talking about periods with guys to be "indecent" and that I was so ashamed of going through this perfectly natural biological phenomenon that I thought a conversation going awkward if i talked about periods would be because I said something shameful.
Looking back, I guess I have always had this feeling - I have been mortified when guys are playfully going over my purse and I have a pad hidden inside. I have given my dad a disgruntled "fine" when he asked me how I was feeling after an awful day but had no issues discussing what i was going through with my mom. I have lied down curled up alone in pain and unable to go out and buy food for myself - but refused to call my uncle who was two streets away that I need help, though I knew he would do anything I ask for.
It was not hard to figure out where this mindset came from - From shopkeepers wrapping napkins in a newspaper + black cover combo, to girls whispering very quietly when they need a pad and hiding it under the sleeves or pockets so no one knows, to the entire class girls being summoned and scolded at because someone had left a pad in the desk - a message was sent across loud and clear that this was something secretive, not to be discussed with guys and definitely not something you can talk about in public. Growing up in a tambrahm household where women are secluded during this time, it was only so much more easier for me to associate this mindset with that of shame.
Of course, I was not alone in this. I talked to some of my girl friends about this and the stories I heard about them going out of their way to avoid people knowing that they have periods ranged from not so surprising to downright horrifying - I know girls who would go to super markets and overlook their shoulder to make sure there was no one nearby when picking up a packet of pads. Some would even go to shops 3 Km away because that's the only place where a girl would be in-charge of billing. I know girls who did not change the whole day because they were out on a day trip with guys and forgot to take a extra pad but didn't want to ask every one to stop at a shop to get sanitary napkins. These are strong independent women who are open minded, extroverted and wouldn't shy away easily from things - and yet when it comes to periods, they would much rather put themselves through discomfort and pain and risk getting an infection than bring up the topic. And if they can do this to themselves, I am horrified to think about what girls with little exposure are putting themselves through.
And this is the reason why I think we need to change.
Yes, some conversations would get awkward and people may not know what to reply. Some jerks might ask you the next time you are having a heated argument if you are PMSing. Some people might think that you are weird and you are talking about something very personal openly. But, honestly after talking to a few friends, I realized that a lot of people would be open minded, and willing to accommodate and these blocks, and inhibitions are on my head.
It's okay if a conversation goes awkward - It's okay when people are not sure what to react - It is important to realize that the awkwardness stems from the same mental blocks that guys have because they grew up in the same society and not because what you are going through is something shameful. And It's okay to give them a chance to get over their blocks.
I am not going to pretend that this post was meant to create awareness - that I am trying to do good to the society. I wrote this because I wanted to get over the blocks and taboos and inhibitions I built in my head over the course of these years - And I hope that it would encourage someone else to break theirs.
Two things were really disturbing about my thought process - That I consider talking about periods with guys to be "indecent" and that I was so ashamed of going through this perfectly natural biological phenomenon that I thought a conversation going awkward if i talked about periods would be because I said something shameful.
Looking back, I guess I have always had this feeling - I have been mortified when guys are playfully going over my purse and I have a pad hidden inside. I have given my dad a disgruntled "fine" when he asked me how I was feeling after an awful day but had no issues discussing what i was going through with my mom. I have lied down curled up alone in pain and unable to go out and buy food for myself - but refused to call my uncle who was two streets away that I need help, though I knew he would do anything I ask for.
It was not hard to figure out where this mindset came from - From shopkeepers wrapping napkins in a newspaper + black cover combo, to girls whispering very quietly when they need a pad and hiding it under the sleeves or pockets so no one knows, to the entire class girls being summoned and scolded at because someone had left a pad in the desk - a message was sent across loud and clear that this was something secretive, not to be discussed with guys and definitely not something you can talk about in public. Growing up in a tambrahm household where women are secluded during this time, it was only so much more easier for me to associate this mindset with that of shame.
Of course, I was not alone in this. I talked to some of my girl friends about this and the stories I heard about them going out of their way to avoid people knowing that they have periods ranged from not so surprising to downright horrifying - I know girls who would go to super markets and overlook their shoulder to make sure there was no one nearby when picking up a packet of pads. Some would even go to shops 3 Km away because that's the only place where a girl would be in-charge of billing. I know girls who did not change the whole day because they were out on a day trip with guys and forgot to take a extra pad but didn't want to ask every one to stop at a shop to get sanitary napkins. These are strong independent women who are open minded, extroverted and wouldn't shy away easily from things - and yet when it comes to periods, they would much rather put themselves through discomfort and pain and risk getting an infection than bring up the topic. And if they can do this to themselves, I am horrified to think about what girls with little exposure are putting themselves through.
And this is the reason why I think we need to change.
Yes, some conversations would get awkward and people may not know what to reply. Some jerks might ask you the next time you are having a heated argument if you are PMSing. Some people might think that you are weird and you are talking about something very personal openly. But, honestly after talking to a few friends, I realized that a lot of people would be open minded, and willing to accommodate and these blocks, and inhibitions are on my head.
It's okay if a conversation goes awkward - It's okay when people are not sure what to react - It is important to realize that the awkwardness stems from the same mental blocks that guys have because they grew up in the same society and not because what you are going through is something shameful. And It's okay to give them a chance to get over their blocks.
I am not going to pretend that this post was meant to create awareness - that I am trying to do good to the society. I wrote this because I wanted to get over the blocks and taboos and inhibitions I built in my head over the course of these years - And I hope that it would encourage someone else to break theirs.
Well said... It may take time for people to realise this. But every change starts with ourselves.
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